I realised today that it was my mum’s birthday. 

I think everyone who knows me knows that my mother and I just don’t speak.   

She hates me because I speak truth she doesn’t want to hear.  I despise her because she didn’t protect me or give me the kind of upbringing she should have.

So whose at fault you ask?  Not me.  I didn’t ask to be a built in babysitter, a punching bag or a victim at the hands of either of my parents.. 

So I guess that answers that question doesn’t it?

I was lying in bed at midnight tonight and against all hope I couldn’t for the life of me sleep. Between car accidents, new relationships, moving houses and the rest of it (that’s all coming later, so patience grasshoppers) I haven’t blogged in THREE YEARS. But tonight my Greater Mind had a different idea.  I tossed and turned and in my head, I formulated the perfect blog post.  I’ve been out here on our balcony listening to the waves and watching the words float OUT of my head into the bloody ethos since 1.30am.

It’s now 5.07am.  Thanks Greater Mind and thank you mercury in retrograde (for the record?  Girl?  You’ve got to go).

Seriously?  It’s not enough that her birthday disturbs my sleep? To top it off the perfect post disappeared to.  Cheers mum!

This won’t be a complete post this morning because there is way to much swirling around that it would take me hours to formulate it into a post,

So what’s brought on THIS post Lisa you say?

Demi Moore.

For the last little while I’ve been reading her autobiography with a highlighter and post it notes, because SO much of it resonates with me.  WAY to much.  Obviously not the rich, famous, gorgeous movie star type.  But her childhood, her lack of love from her mother,  the way she wasn’t allowed to be a typical child, how it impacted on her adult life and her parenting skills with her own children.

Then I saw an episode of Red Table Talk with Jada Pinkett Smith, her mother and daughter, Demi Moore and her daughters.  It was TOUGH to watch.  Really tough.  Because every layer they peeled back, every page they turned and the deeper into things they went?  The more my shit floated to the top.  The more it made me uncomfortable, the more I watched and the more I started to understand SOME of the choices I had made in my life.  As a teenager, an adult, a daughter, a mother and a human in general.  It was like I’d been sitting in a dark room for the longest time and someone had finally turned on the light and BOOM the six million puzzle pieces that had been scattered around me, were suddenly starting to make sense.  At it just so happened to take place on my mothers birthday.

I’m a HUGE believer in the universe guiding me and THIS is the sign I’d waiting for.

More later…..